Diva-tionary
Most of the people who read my blog probably ….errr…perhaps, the word is most of the time…they get confuse of what the hell I am saying because I used lots and lots of Filipino gay lingo or swardspeak. Matalinhagang lingwahe para sa mga maganda at matalinong dyosa tulad ko….hehehe! According to my genius world of record friend aka Wikipedia Swardspeak or “gay lingo” is a vernacular language derived from Englog (a Tagalog-English pidgin) and is used by a number of homosexuals in the Philippines. Nabi brainwash na ang clever mind ko. Masyadong siyang deep, parang Pacific ocean lang. Maggatas ka kasi, kaya hayan vovita gallore ka. Hehehe!
Oh! Here’s the interesting part…..A unique trait of swardspeak is that it immediately identifies the speaker as homosexual, making it easy for people of that orientation to signal to each other in a place where such tendencies are not easy to display (ie in the Philippines). So, which means genius…ako ay isang totoong vaklush lalo na galing ako Philippines. Hahahaha!
Anyways, here’s some words that I search from my lover boy, Mr Google. Some of these terms I often use or heard from my fabulous friends. Para naman naka align kayo sa universe ko. But promise me friend don’t get carried away. Or you will end up like me.Hehehe!
If you know more words, expressions, phrase…please share it with us. Huwag kang swapang ok. Ende sinasama ni lord sa heaven ang mga uncharitable people.
Below is the terms and conditions to be a truly gay asia. Hope this will help you in your daily life. Hahahaha!
Day in the farm
We are finally home!
After a long…long…winding hours of flying from summer to winter climate, zone to zone. A total of at least 26 hrs excluding the the lay over. From Singapore to Russia with Love (Moscow) to Houston…not Whitney Houston….But to the land of cowboys and cowgirls…Hahahaha! Final destination-Omaha, the city of cows…Omaha steak. My plaids outfit is a winner. The 2010 fashion trends in my world. Vaklush, pwede na talaga ako maging American farmer with my Tiffany bling-bling plus Chanel bag divang-diva ang eksena ko dito. Matutuwa is Jessica Parker sa aura ng lola mo. Pwede na pang feature sa federation ng mga lukring.
Aside from that, I am the only human race with a brown skin and black hair here. Yes, endangered specie ang diva-ness equals ME dahil napapaligiran ako ng mga anak ni Snow white. Exotic to the maximum level. Pinag-aagawan para lang sale sa Megamall. Hehehe! The truth is, I haven’t seen my cows friends ever since we came home. Busy ang telecommunications dahil smart ang gamit nila. May traffic dahil sa snow. Hehehe! Promise! Negative weather siya everyday. Para lang pregnancy test. So, this is what they call the land of milk and honey?
So what amuse me here? The bed, HGTV and ????? (isip-isip). You can not believe how much time I spend in the bed. 18 hours a day excluding eating. Vakla, wiz mag DIY dito kasi ninigas ang fingers ng lola mo. Para lang may arthritis. Unless, butch-oy ang drama ko dito. Winner siya sa patigasan. Hahaha! Well, I can beat my pussy cats in sleeping marathon. My LIFE here depends on the weather forecast. Kailangan ko dito ang salamin ni Tito Boy Abunda. Dahil wala akong talent sa ice-skating at wiz ko macomatose with the ugly winter outfit. Eksenang “Babaeng sa Bintana” ang drama ng diva-ness dito.
My new bling-blingssssss with multiple SSS…is what keeps me grinning all the time. Yes! Pwede ako maging alajera/farmer. Multi-tasking para lang sex life ko. Hahaha! I finally got my Darna cuff which I’ve been eying since my birth, the Tiffany Notes Cuff and I got 3 new big rings as big as my eyeball and I truly love them to death. Vakla, ganun talaga ang mga diva, nagmumurang materialistic. In times like this, money can buy my happiness. At dahil sa mayabang ako, I can’t wait to go home and show my new babies.
Christmas in my paradise
Christmas again which I super love to the max. Do I have to give a reason why? This is the perfect month where you don’t have to explain-”shopping” and being “broke”. As what they say, you will never know if its end of the world. You can’t bring money in heaven but you can buy happiness on earth. Quotable quotes by yours truly-THE GODDESS! And if your husband is smart like mine, he make sure you are well-covered. Because it’s not so cute to die with ugly outfit. Oppsss…does it sounds so wrong? Hahaha! Gurl, this is not a true to life story of Pinay who married to an american sausage….get bang-bang and end up in CSI show. Gets? Or not? Kailangan ba magnosebleed ako sa kakaexplain?
Anyways, here we go again. Counting the months…the days…another number is added in my facebook profile. I’ve been trying to convince myself 5 mins ago that there is nothing wrong of being old……….I hate the word “old” maybe matured is a better term. Am I the only one in this entire human race that have issue with aging? I see my friends and classmates in facebook seems quite comfortable of aging process. Perhaps, in denial? Or simply conscious of openly discussing this issue. Afraid to be judge as too self centered? Because there are greater and bigger things that we should have to worry about it. Tell you honey, I am not a saint neither a super hero. So, I don’t think I can do anything if the world is in global warming ok. Ang dami ko naman issues noh? Demanding na ako kay lord. Baka e FO (friendship over) nya ako.
Today I feel….
“Packshet ang mga taxi driver! English..I hate taxi driver.” (Charing!)
I, the goddess of venus is extremely annoyed of how the taxi driver in Singapore are been behaving for the last 1 million years. Not only a number of them are quite rude but they are also e-pal with nagmumurang GREEDINESS. Really! My office is in River Valley, near Orchard. The paradise of the divas and the goddess–equals muah! So, I thought my life would be a lot easier since there will cab everywhere in this mother land. Apparently, they are choosy with their customer. Ano sila mga potah…namimili. Translate- even whore can not be picky of their client. And they best part between 9 to 10pm every day of God’s creation, they will just ignore you even if you flag them in the middle of the road. Gumulong ka man dyan sa putikan…deadma pa rin ang mga eksena ng pukemonster. And because its near to the clubbing area plus extra fee if you flag in the taxi stand or pay additional $3 if you call…added the avariciousness aka kaswapangan/mercenary …they will rather spend extra fuel and time crossing to that other side in the name of making extra moola. Kahit nakasampal ka na sa mukha nila. I have called a thousand times to the cab company. I will probably end up having an affair with the customer service because I stalked and call them all the time to report this unacceptable exploitation of passenger. Of course, you think this is Singapore they will do something about it. Gurl! My veins are already coming out -NR (No reaction). Pwede na ba ako tumakbong president ng mga kavadingan? Hahaha! Pero, promise! It’s not funny when you are stading and waiting for the cabs for an hour and you see them passing through your eyes…available…yet, they ignore you as if you don’t exist. Bulag sila neng!
So, why don’t I just buy a car instead? You think I have a money tree in my backyard? I wish! Unfortunately, a car in Singapura cost 3 times than any countries of the universe. Yes! Gold price siya vakla. And not to mention….I don’t know how to drive. Which, I also keep listing in my wish list for trillion years….but never happens. Goddess are allowed to have fears and evidently…haler…I am not perfect.
At this moment, I have no solution to this biggest issue of my life. Unless, I move to another planet. Or perhaps, this is the time I can practice my hidden power—-Voodoo! Hahaha! As if I have. Maybe I do. The last time I check in past life analysis website (http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/)… I used to be a servnat of dark forces.