bling

Most of the people who read my blog probably ….errr…perhaps, the word is most of the time…they get confuse of what the hell I am saying because I used lots and lots of Filipino gay lingo or swardspeak. Matalinhagang lingwahe para sa mga maganda at matalinong dyosa tulad ko….hehehe! According to my genius world of record friend aka Wikipedia Swardspeak or “gay lingo” is a vernacular language derived from Englog (a Tagalog-English pidgin) and is used by a number of homosexuals in the Philippines. Nabi brainwash na ang clever mind ko. Masyadong siyang deep, parang Pacific ocean lang. Maggatas ka kasi, kaya hayan vovita gallore ka. Hehehe!

Oh! Here’s the interesting part…..A unique trait of swardspeak is that it immediately identifies the speaker as homosexual, making it easy for people of that orientation to signal to each other in a place where such tendencies are not easy to display (ie in the Philippines). So, which means genius…ako ay isang totoong vaklush lalo na galing ako Philippines. Hahahaha!

Anyways, here’s some words that I search from my lover boy, Mr Google. Some of these terms I often use or heard from my fabulous friends. Para naman naka align kayo sa universe ko. But promise me friend don’t get carried away. Or you will end up like me.Hehehe!

If you know more words, expressions, phrase…please share it with us. Huwag kang swapang ok. Ende sinasama ni lord sa heaven ang mga uncharitable people.

Below is the terms and conditions to be a truly gay asia. Hope this will help you in your daily life. Hahahaha!

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Christmas again which I super love to the max. Do I have to give a reason why? This is the perfect month where you don’t have to explain-”shopping” and being “broke”. As what they say, you will never know if its end of the world. You can’t bring money in heaven but you can buy happiness on earth. Quotable quotes by yours truly-THE GODDESS!  And if your husband is smart like mine, he make sure you are well-covered. Because it’s not so cute to die with ugly outfit. Oppsss…does it sounds so wrong? Hahaha! Gurl, this is not a true to life story of Pinay who married to an american sausage….get bang-bang and end up in CSI show. Gets? Or not? Kailangan ba magnosebleed ako sa kakaexplain?

Anyways, here we go again. Counting the months…the days…another number is added in my facebook profile. I’ve been trying to convince myself  5 mins ago that there is nothing wrong of being old……….I hate the word “old” maybe matured is a better term. Am I the only one in this entire human race that have issue with aging? I see my friends and classmates in facebook seems quite comfortable of aging process. Perhaps, in denial? Or simply conscious of openly discussing this issue. Afraid to be judge as too self centered? Because there are greater and bigger things that we should have to worry about it. Tell you honey, I am not a saint neither a super hero. So, I don’t think I can do anything if the world is in global warming ok. Ang dami ko naman issues noh? Demanding na ako kay lord. Baka e FO (friendship over) nya ako.

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I‘m suppose to post this blog like hundred years ago . But with so many unforeseen changes, I can’t find my momentum to write. Yes, my boobies went somewhere. Plus, I’ve been extremely busy for the last few months (Dami kasing customer…hahahahha!). In addition, alila pa ako ng dalawa kong pussy kets. Multi-tasking to the highest degree ang eksena ng lola mo. Promise! Kahit si Ben and Jerry ko nakaluwa na sa kakayod to the carabao level. Buti na lang andyan si wonderwoman...aka…yaya Jane. Na kung magpabaon ng ulam…Neng! Construction worker ang eksena ko. Overflowing sa rice and slight lang ang main dish kasi on a diet naman daw ako. Winner di

Pero vaklush! Swear in my armpit, missing in my heart ko talaga ang pang-ookray. It’s been a long time. But you have to understand powerful na si mader. Ika nga ni Spiderman…with great powers comes a great responsibilities. Malaki na ang sari-sari store. So, nakabusiness class na. Kaya, wiz ang lola mo makapagokray sa mga volvo nakapaligid at baka makarating sa highest level. Kahit everyday nosebleed pa rin ako  ako sa taxi driver. Promise! Kung di feeling chimay nila ako…even with may diva outfit, they thought I’m their best friend. Juice ko! Marami na akong best friends sa mundo…umaapaw na…so please…I don’t need to know their lifestory and or what’s happening in Washington DC. Keber ko…e kung si Gloria…ang taging pakialam ko lang e nagpaboob job siya…hehehehe!

But since I donate most of my money to the goddess LV. Actually, change costume again…Kabog na si Chanel. So, mega pokpok na talaga ako work. Para may super power magshopping. We have to age gracefully…you know that. Which means, highest divaness na talaga…kahit it’s so lonely up there. Hahahaha! Oh my gulay! Para lang talaga akong Dyosa. Kainis! So, by the time I turn 40. Scene 1-while going to palengke…naka Hermes….Birkin. Taray! Scene 2-Scott says to me…”You need a richer husband”. Hahaha!  Actually, not a bad idea. Scene 3-Spouse support. Scene 4-Robot gurl na ako (botox in every angle). Attention please! NakaTamiflu pa ako kaya windang ang brains ng lola mo. Hahaha!

Seriousness na etetch…the only thing that left me sane this past few months is my sense of humour…errr…Actually, feeling ko nga kahit sense of humour unti-unting natutunaw. Parang yelo lang sa Antarctica. Global warning ba etetch? My friends has been complaining how my whole lifestyle change. I know, I need to do something about it. Ende mura magpaCalayan noh! By the way, ende na ako Belo girl….nagmove on na ang lola. Calayan na ako kasi mas love nila ako. I haven’t done my botox yet (take note!). Supposedly, my plan is to do it when I went home last September. Apparently, my schedule is so hectic that I only manage to remove my warts. Gurl, ende ko na realize, buong angkan na pala ang nasa face ng lola mo. Gumawa na sila ng village sa face ko. Kaya, etetch, eskinol gurl na ulit ako. Next year, go na talaga. Yes, I am vain. But if you can afford. Goooooooooo! And you don’t have to apologize for that. Kasalanan ko ba kung ende na ako dukha? Hahaha!

Anyways, my dear friends, I’m served a 5 days isolation.  I sounds like a criminal! Hahaha! Yes! You heard in right..my beautiful face is in quarantine. Parang isang eksena lang sa movie..Panic Room…you and me…and the wall…di ba? Ding-ding lang ang pagitan. I was tested positive of Influenza type A last Monday. Sa mahirap, trangkaso, pag mayaman influenza. Suplada di ba? ITS NOT H1N1. Ok, they are same family…like gay sisters….one is femme and the other one is butch. But not the same. Masyadong mahabang eksena etetch…kailangan ka bang explain? But people are driving me nutz, when they keep insisting I have H1n1. Kaloka di ba? I’m on the spotlight again….Yes! It’s all about me…me…me….Bida naman ang lola mo. Pero, I swear for split second…I was scared when they told me I was positive. Feeling ko…kukunin na talaga ako ni lord. I know…for the longest time, I’ve been taken for granted my health. People like me don’t get sick…they just take a break and party again. But not this time honey…kakaibang eksena na talaga etetch. Saka, isampal ba naman sa you….quarantine ka vakla….5 days….end of the world the talaga ito sistah.

Then, I thought about my 2 pussy cats, ang mga sho-es, esp my LV collection….Juice ko! Ang mga diamonds….Ende ko pa nabili si Hermes. Tama ba na tawagin na ako? I don’t worry so much about Scott, he can always go to Thailand and find another wife. Saka, my greatest fear…ayokong mamatay na fangit ang outfit ng lola mo at wiz naka make up. Sakit-sakitan talaga ang drama. Pero, truelish, akala ko maMediacorp TV na talaga ako…first Filipina….the Goddess….with h_n_…Ang chakaness ng title.

My first few days of house arrest….vaklush, eksenang prison break talaga. At first,in denial ang vakla. I never imagine myself to be quarantine. It only happens to poor people who eat dirty food. Ganech ang eksena ko. I even bring my own chopsticks and own meals kasi feeling ko dirty sila. Pati coke, may sarili akong dala…but you know, the germs….they dont’s have brains…they will just secretly sneak to your system kahit ende sila welcome. Kainis di ba? Then comes the blame…which I have to admit, if only I pay more attention to my health, this would have been avoided. Kaso, feeling Darna rin…sige…yosi ng yosi hanggang maubos na ang baga. So, I pledge..I will quit smoking (’til further notice). It’s not yet the end of the world. I know, its hard to believe especially coming from me. E ikaw kaya vaklush, na halos mabiyak na yong tahi ko sa kakaubo-…isusumpa mo talaga lahat. I’ve never felt this so much pain and agony.

LESSON: Life is a short affair so we have to breath as if it is last day. I probably made a lot of  mistakes, bloopers, some may say foolish and idiotic choices in my life. But I only blame myself for the consequence of my own actions.  Regrets is not in my vocabulary because I really get amuse of it anyway. Whether people agree of how I live my shallow life…..I don’t really care at all. Haler….life is not made to be perfect. So, why should I want to? I believe money can buy happiness. I didn’t say it’s everything but it does a lot of wonder for all of us even for a brief moment. I believe that it is ok to be selfish and to love yourself more….who can love you if you don’t even love yourself???. And there is nothing to be ashamed of…if you are not a perfect human being. Embrace yourself honey…because when you die…you die alone…and you don’t want people to remember you how unhappy and bitter you are with your life. So despite of what happened and the dramas….I wasn’t really scared of anything….because I live my life according to my choices. Experience is the name that everyone gives when we make mistakes. And if you always want everything so right and perfect….you will never able to do anything and get entertained the dramas of our so called “EXISTENCE”…so go…live like a DIVA!

“Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”- William Jennings Bryan

I‘ve read somewhere that ” Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” I totally agree. Wow! So deep! Too much for my brains. Hahaha! Para akong nasasapian nito. Ria is that you? Pwede na pangline sa soap opera, di ba? Ofcoursely, dahil ako’y isang dyosa, I don’t look beyond my imperfections. Because I’m simply perfect! So don’t hate me because I am rich but because I am beautiful. Bitch! Hahaha! Oh! I love love to use this line to all my ugliness enemies. Taray di ba? Para lang sila mga batang yagit na pinagsasampal ni Tita Bella Flores.

Anyhow, I just turned 35 this month. Oh my gaz! Tama bang ipagsigawan pa sa madlang human race that I’m this young. Haler! I am not yet like middle age woman noh. Besides, if you have this kind of face and so utterly fabulous ipagmamalaki mo talaga! Hahaha! Oh! I love my powers….para lang siyang kili-kili ng mga anaps. Careful-careful, baka mabitay ang beauty ko dito. O zsa…zsa. aminin ko nan…magpapakatotoo na ako friend. The truth is, there are days (like everyday), I panicked because I see few lines here and there. Promise! I checked my face every 4 hrs. The wrinkles is driving me nuts. I’ve put all the miracle creams in the world….from eye cream to anti-aging kulang na lang pati Hemorrhoid Cream ikareer ko na. Oo, nagpapanick ako. Bakit ende…I can’t deny anymore that I am aging…..Shet!!!! Tama ba “aging” talaga ang term. My no. 1 hobby right now is to mega checklist every part of my beautiful body…. if my tights are starting to sag, if I’m starting to have Turkey Gobbler Deformity or if my hands are starting to get dry and disgusting. Di ba they said“With age comes wisdom and with wisdom comes wrinkles.” So drama, right? Still I don’t want to age horribly. Sa mga dukha lang yan nababagay. Hahaha! Seriously! It’s a very strange feeling knowing you are no longer that young. I do get that age is just a number. Wow! I sound such a loser. Mga speech lang yan ng mga pangit. Hahaha! Nevertheless, I don’t need that number to show all over my face. Yes, I am vain. It’s not even a question. Then again, just because I’m aging…gosh….that’s a scary term, it’s a crime to be overly obsessed with yourself. Fine! Not everyone live in my world. Ayaw ko sa maputik na world noh! And most people…like “normal” mankind thinks my problem is so pathetic. I’m just being true friend. Lahat naman tayo have issues with aging. We just don’t want to express it. Kasi, parang sa mga vovito lang yan ang pagiging vain. Pagmatalino, ende mo kailangan ng face value. Planet earth, are you still there?

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