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We are finally home!

After a long…long…winding hours of flying from summer to winter climate, zone to zone. A total of at least 26 hrs excluding the the lay over. From Singapore to Russia with Love (Moscow) to Houston…not Whitney Houston….But to the land of cowboys and cowgirls…Hahahaha! Final destination-Omaha, the city of cows…Omaha steak. My plaids outfit is a winner. The 2010 fashion trends in my world. Vaklush, pwede na talaga ako maging American farmer with my Tiffany bling-bling plus Chanel bag divang-diva ang eksena ko dito. Matutuwa is Jessica Parker sa aura ng lola mo. Pwede na pang feature sa federation ng mga lukring.

Aside from that, I am the only human race with a brown skin and black hair here. Yes, endangered specie ang diva-ness equals ME dahil napapaligiran ako ng mga anak ni Snow white. Exotic to the maximum level. Pinag-aagawan para lang sale sa Megamall. Hehehe! The truth is, I haven’t seen my cows friends ever since we came home. Busy ang telecommunications dahil smart ang gamit nila. May traffic dahil sa snow. Hehehe! Promise! Negative weather siya everyday. Para lang pregnancy test. So, this is what they call the land of milk and honey?

So what amuse me here? The bed, HGTV and ????? (isip-isip). You can not believe how much time I spend in the bed. 18 hours a day excluding eating. Vakla, wiz mag DIY dito kasi ninigas ang fingers ng lola mo. Para lang may arthritis. Unless, butch-oy ang drama ko dito. Winner siya sa patigasan. Hahaha! Well, I can beat my pussy cats in sleeping marathon. My LIFE here depends on the weather forecast. Kailangan ko dito ang salamin ni Tito Boy Abunda. Dahil wala akong talent sa ice-skating at wiz ko macomatose with the ugly winter outfit. Eksenang “Babaeng sa Bintana” ang drama ng diva-ness dito.

My new bling-blingssssss with multiple SSS…is what keeps me grinning all the time. Yes! Pwede ako maging alajera/farmer. Multi-tasking para lang sex life ko. Hahaha! I finally got my Darna cuff which I’ve been eying since my birth, the Tiffany Notes Cuff and I got 3 new big rings as big as my eyeball and I truly love them to death. Vakla, ganun talaga ang mga diva, nagmumurang materialistic. In times like this, money can buy my happiness. At dahil sa mayabang ako, I can’t wait to go home and show my new babies.

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Christmas again which I super love to the max. Do I have to give a reason why? This is the perfect month where you don’t have to explain-”shopping” and being “broke”. As what they say, you will never know if its end of the world. You can’t bring money in heaven but you can buy happiness on earth. Quotable quotes by yours truly-THE GODDESS!  And if your husband is smart like mine, he make sure you are well-covered. Because it’s not so cute to die with ugly outfit. Oppsss…does it sounds so wrong? Hahaha! Gurl, this is not a true to life story of Pinay who married to an american sausage….get bang-bang and end up in CSI show. Gets? Or not? Kailangan ba magnosebleed ako sa kakaexplain?

Anyways, here we go again. Counting the months…the days…another number is added in my facebook profile. I’ve been trying to convince myself  5 mins ago that there is nothing wrong of being old……….I hate the word “old” maybe matured is a better term. Am I the only one in this entire human race that have issue with aging? I see my friends and classmates in facebook seems quite comfortable of aging process. Perhaps, in denial? Or simply conscious of openly discussing this issue. Afraid to be judge as too self centered? Because there are greater and bigger things that we should have to worry about it. Tell you honey, I am not a saint neither a super hero. So, I don’t think I can do anything if the world is in global warming ok. Ang dami ko naman issues noh? Demanding na ako kay lord. Baka e FO (friendship over) nya ako.

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“Packshet ang mga taxi driver! English..I hate taxi driver.” (Charing!)

I, the goddess of venus is extremely annoyed of how the taxi driver in Singapore are been behaving for the last 1 million years. Not only a number of them are quite rude but they are also e-pal with nagmumurang GREEDINESS. Really! My office is in River Valley, near Orchard. The paradise of the divas and the goddess–equals muah! So, I thought my life would be a lot easier since there will cab everywhere in this mother land. Apparently, they are choosy with their customer. Ano sila mga potah…namimili. Translate- even whore can not be picky of their client. And they best part between 9 to 10pm every day of God’s creation, they will just ignore you even if you flag them in the middle of the road. Gumulong ka man dyan sa putikan…deadma pa rin ang mga eksena ng pukemonster. And because its near to the clubbing area plus extra fee if you flag in the taxi stand or pay additional $3 if you call…added the avariciousness aka kaswapangan/mercenary …they will rather spend extra fuel and time crossing to that other side in the name of making extra moola. Kahit nakasampal ka na sa mukha nila. I have called a thousand times to the cab company. I will probably end up having an affair with the customer service because I stalked  and call them all the time to report this unacceptable exploitation of passenger. Of course, you think this is Singapore they will do something about it. Gurl! My veins are already coming out -NR (No reaction). Pwede na ba ako tumakbong president ng mga kavadingan? Hahaha! Pero, promise! It’s not funny when you are stading and waiting for the cabs for an hour and you see them passing through your eyes…available…yet, they ignore you as if you don’t exist. Bulag sila neng!

So, why don’t I just buy a car instead? You think I have a money tree in my backyard? I wish! Unfortunately, a car in Singapura cost 3 times than any countries of the universe. Yes! Gold price siya vakla. And not to mention….I don’t know how to drive. Which, I also keep listing in my wish list for trillion years….but never happens. Goddess are allowed to have fears and evidently…haler…I am not perfect.

At this moment, I have no solution to this biggest issue of my life. Unless, I move to another planet. Or perhaps, this is the time I can practice my hidden power—-Voodoo! Hahaha! As if I have. Maybe I do. The last time I check in past life analysis website (http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/)… I used to be a servnat of dark forces.

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I‘m suppose to post this blog like hundred years ago . But with so many unforeseen changes, I can’t find my momentum to write. Yes, my boobies went somewhere. Plus, I’ve been extremely busy for the last few months (Dami kasing customer…hahahahha!). In addition, alila pa ako ng dalawa kong pussy kets. Multi-tasking to the highest degree ang eksena ng lola mo. Promise! Kahit si Ben and Jerry ko nakaluwa na sa kakayod to the carabao level. Buti na lang andyan si wonderwoman...aka…yaya Jane. Na kung magpabaon ng ulam…Neng! Construction worker ang eksena ko. Overflowing sa rice and slight lang ang main dish kasi on a diet naman daw ako. Winner di

Pero vaklush! Swear in my armpit, missing in my heart ko talaga ang pang-ookray. It’s been a long time. But you have to understand powerful na si mader. Ika nga ni Spiderman…with great powers comes a great responsibilities. Malaki na ang sari-sari store. So, nakabusiness class na. Kaya, wiz ang lola mo makapagokray sa mga volvo nakapaligid at baka makarating sa highest level. Kahit everyday nosebleed pa rin ako  ako sa taxi driver. Promise! Kung di feeling chimay nila ako…even with may diva outfit, they thought I’m their best friend. Juice ko! Marami na akong best friends sa mundo…umaapaw na…so please…I don’t need to know their lifestory and or what’s happening in Washington DC. Keber ko…e kung si Gloria…ang taging pakialam ko lang e nagpaboob job siya…hehehehe!

But since I donate most of my money to the goddess LV. Actually, change costume again…Kabog na si Chanel. So, mega pokpok na talaga ako work. Para may super power magshopping. We have to age gracefully…you know that. Which means, highest divaness na talaga…kahit it’s so lonely up there. Hahahaha! Oh my gulay! Para lang talaga akong Dyosa. Kainis! So, by the time I turn 40. Scene 1-while going to palengke…naka Hermes….Birkin. Taray! Scene 2-Scott says to me…”You need a richer husband”. Hahaha!  Actually, not a bad idea. Scene 3-Spouse support. Scene 4-Robot gurl na ako (botox in every angle). Attention please! NakaTamiflu pa ako kaya windang ang brains ng lola mo. Hahaha!

Seriousness na etetch…the only thing that left me sane this past few months is my sense of humour…errr…Actually, feeling ko nga kahit sense of humour unti-unting natutunaw. Parang yelo lang sa Antarctica. Global warning ba etetch? My friends has been complaining how my whole lifestyle change. I know, I need to do something about it. Ende mura magpaCalayan noh! By the way, ende na ako Belo girl….nagmove on na ang lola. Calayan na ako kasi mas love nila ako. I haven’t done my botox yet (take note!). Supposedly, my plan is to do it when I went home last September. Apparently, my schedule is so hectic that I only manage to remove my warts. Gurl, ende ko na realize, buong angkan na pala ang nasa face ng lola mo. Gumawa na sila ng village sa face ko. Kaya, etetch, eskinol gurl na ulit ako. Next year, go na talaga. Yes, I am vain. But if you can afford. Goooooooooo! And you don’t have to apologize for that. Kasalanan ko ba kung ende na ako dukha? Hahaha!

Anyways, my dear friends, I’m served a 5 days isolation.  I sounds like a criminal! Hahaha! Yes! You heard in right..my beautiful face is in quarantine. Parang isang eksena lang sa movie..Panic Room…you and me…and the wall…di ba? Ding-ding lang ang pagitan. I was tested positive of Influenza type A last Monday. Sa mahirap, trangkaso, pag mayaman influenza. Suplada di ba? ITS NOT H1N1. Ok, they are same family…like gay sisters….one is femme and the other one is butch. But not the same. Masyadong mahabang eksena etetch…kailangan ka bang explain? But people are driving me nutz, when they keep insisting I have H1n1. Kaloka di ba? I’m on the spotlight again….Yes! It’s all about me…me…me….Bida naman ang lola mo. Pero, I swear for split second…I was scared when they told me I was positive. Feeling ko…kukunin na talaga ako ni lord. I know…for the longest time, I’ve been taken for granted my health. People like me don’t get sick…they just take a break and party again. But not this time honey…kakaibang eksena na talaga etetch. Saka, isampal ba naman sa you….quarantine ka vakla….5 days….end of the world the talaga ito sistah.

Then, I thought about my 2 pussy cats, ang mga sho-es, esp my LV collection….Juice ko! Ang mga diamonds….Ende ko pa nabili si Hermes. Tama ba na tawagin na ako? I don’t worry so much about Scott, he can always go to Thailand and find another wife. Saka, my greatest fear…ayokong mamatay na fangit ang outfit ng lola mo at wiz naka make up. Sakit-sakitan talaga ang drama. Pero, truelish, akala ko maMediacorp TV na talaga ako…first Filipina….the Goddess….with h_n_…Ang chakaness ng title.

My first few days of house arrest….vaklush, eksenang prison break talaga. At first,in denial ang vakla. I never imagine myself to be quarantine. It only happens to poor people who eat dirty food. Ganech ang eksena ko. I even bring my own chopsticks and own meals kasi feeling ko dirty sila. Pati coke, may sarili akong dala…but you know, the germs….they dont’s have brains…they will just secretly sneak to your system kahit ende sila welcome. Kainis di ba? Then comes the blame…which I have to admit, if only I pay more attention to my health, this would have been avoided. Kaso, feeling Darna rin…sige…yosi ng yosi hanggang maubos na ang baga. So, I pledge..I will quit smoking (’til further notice). It’s not yet the end of the world. I know, its hard to believe especially coming from me. E ikaw kaya vaklush, na halos mabiyak na yong tahi ko sa kakaubo-…isusumpa mo talaga lahat. I’ve never felt this so much pain and agony.

LESSON: Life is a short affair so we have to breath as if it is last day. I probably made a lot of  mistakes, bloopers, some may say foolish and idiotic choices in my life. But I only blame myself for the consequence of my own actions.  Regrets is not in my vocabulary because I really get amuse of it anyway. Whether people agree of how I live my shallow life…..I don’t really care at all. Haler….life is not made to be perfect. So, why should I want to? I believe money can buy happiness. I didn’t say it’s everything but it does a lot of wonder for all of us even for a brief moment. I believe that it is ok to be selfish and to love yourself more….who can love you if you don’t even love yourself???. And there is nothing to be ashamed of…if you are not a perfect human being. Embrace yourself honey…because when you die…you die alone…and you don’t want people to remember you how unhappy and bitter you are with your life. So despite of what happened and the dramas….I wasn’t really scared of anything….because I live my life according to my choices. Experience is the name that everyone gives when we make mistakes. And if you always want everything so right and perfect….you will never able to do anything and get entertained the dramas of our so called “EXISTENCE”…so go…live like a DIVA!

“Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”- William Jennings Bryan